Facts of Life: A Family Vignette (excerpt)

....The father, who was sitting in his favorite chair, tilted his head up slowly from his Essence Magazine. He looked over the top of his reading glasses at them quizzically, yet he was also somewhat relieved. He was so proud that his bright young creations had come to him for answers.


Yet at the same time he was very concerned about sharing this new and powerful knowledge about sex with them and the affect it could have on their lives. He pressed his finger against his temple and rested his firm jaw upon his hand for a moment. He began to think some more about what he would say to them. After a few more moments of reflection, he decided it was now finally time to dispense his well considered and sage advice. “Son, pull down your pants and show your sister your thing” He said.


“Daddy!!!!” His delicate young flower of a daughter exclaimed “I’ve seen his little thing before. We used to take baths together when we were little. Remember???? My God!!!! I don’t want to see that thing.”


Her father slowly rose from his chair. He looked his baby girl straight in the eyes. He gave her a look that only a Daddy could give. She knew he meant business.


“That is the only one of those things you've ever seen, Right????” He asked with a gentle sternness. “Oh my God Daddy!!!! Yes, that’s the only one I’ve ever seen. What’s wrong with you today????” She shrieked.


“Well good then.” He said. “Because let me tell you right now, them things don’t do nothing but make you fat. They're a big pain in the ass. They try to make a sucker out of you every time. Every time you see one coming, you’re going to have to clean up after it. You hear me girl?!?!?!?!”


The young lady was now so perplexed and bewildered by what she just heard that she couldn’t speak a word. When her dear father asked her to raise her skirt and show her brother her’s she barely heard him, but she did as he asked without question like any good daughter would.


“Now boy” he admonished his son “You see that thing there???? That thing right there’ll take all your money. I mean every goddamned penny of it. It won’t leave you any time to play with your friends or play by yourself. Every time you think you’ve got it licked, it’ll just leave a bad taste in your mouth. It’ll always have you going to the doctor. It’ll even have the government taking money out of your paycheck. Do you hear me boy????”


His two lovely children affirmed that they indeed had both heard him loud and clear and would heed his every word. As soon as he finished, they quickly asked if they could go to their rooms now. As they ascended the staircase to their rooms, they kept their eyes fixed on their father the entire time....